Hablemos, Tele

By: Tele Figueroa

April 23, 2026

Although I’ve always maintained that living in Texas isn’t as complicated as people say, you have to admit that the language here is a whole different animal. It’s not just English or Spanish; it’s its own tongue, Tejanese, carried with pride and its own set of rules. You know: lots of “wow,” lots of “yeah,” and suddenly you find yourself saying “mande usted” (yes sir/ma’am) or complaining that your “chamarra” (jacket) is too tight.

To give you an idea of what I’m talking about, this happened to me right after I arrived in Houston. I was chatting with my neighbor, a pure-bred Texan, when suddenly he very seriously says to me:

…. “Tele, can you give me an ‘aventón’? I need to go to the mechanic.”

With the thermometer brushing 100°F and the sun blazing, my mind went straight to cooling down. I thought the poor man was on the verge of heatstroke. Without hesitation, I stepped closer and started blowing air with my mouth right in his face and on his body, while telling him: “Hey, if you want, I can grab a portable battery-powered fan I have in the house.”

My neighbor was left speechless.

… “Tele, but what are you doing?” …he asked, between confused and scared. —“Well… didn’t you tell me to give you some wind? (‘viento’)” …I replied, very sure of my assistance.

He let out a laugh that was heard through the whole neighborhood.

… “No, man! An ‘aventón’ here is what ‘pon’ (a ride) is for you, or having me take you in your ‘coche’ (car).”

Hearing “coche,” my mind escaped for a second back to Ponce, remembering our beloved carriage-driver Garay… but reality quickly pulled me back to Texas. Dead with embarrassment, I apologized a thousand times and, finally, gave him the famous “aventón,” but in my Toyota Camry and not powered by my lungs.

Since that day, every time we see each other, before greeting me, he shoots me a mischievous smile and asks: “Tele, do you want an ‘aventón’ or would you prefer I give you ‘pon’?”

The moral, my friends: either you adapt quickly to the Texas language, or you’ll end up blowing air at people in the street!